On Being Seen

“A conversation for two” by my amazing aunt Nijole Saltenyte

Dear friend,

I’ve been chasing “being seen” my whole life. Desperately. Not being loved and cared for (I was very well cared for growing up), but being known deeper. That’s possibly the reason why I was so lonely growing up.

To really see someone is not an easy task, it’s not small talk, it’s not food and shelter. It’s an emotional weight of someone’s existence, an inquiry into dreams, loves, fears, it takes time and curiosity. But it is life changing.

I think the source of this loneliness pandemic is the shallowness of our interactions. We’ve become so efficient and transactional that we don’t really know anyone well. We don’t prioritize close connections. We have mortgages, kids activities, hobbies - always moving. You might be lucky to have a friend who sits with you in the time of despair and knows your pain. Or someone who will understand the enormity of the decision you are facing.

I’ve been living in Arlington for 20 years and it’s been very difficult to be close with people. Sure - Arlington is a place of crossings - most of use come here on a mission, we don’t see this as a permanent home worthy of the emotional investment. But I am raising my children here and I really don’t know if anyone will be here when I’m old. Anyone that really knows me.

So here I am - trying to bring some depth in my work. Becoming someone I long for. I listen to the stories with my heart. I try to understand the weight of the thresholds my clients are crossing. I try to bring warmth, assure that vulnerability in transitions is real and necessary. That I am on their side - a real helper, a witness of their journey, someone who they can lean on - not just for the heaviness of logistics, but for the full weight of being a human.

With love, Renata